Don’t call me pretty (please)

Why is mansplaining a thing and womansplaining is not? Mansplaining occurs when a man explains something to a woman AND any of the following are applicable:

a) she didn’t ask him to explain

b) he assumed he knows more than her about the topic he is explaining

c) he does know more than her about the topic but there was still no signal that she wanted him to explain it

d) he explains the topic in a way that is condescending towards her

Women cannot be accused of womansplaining because no matter how many times we explain our point of view to a man it still seems like men JUST AREN’T LISTENING because you still keep doing the same dumb ass shit WE HAVE ASKED YOU NOT TO DO.

Case in point:

DON’T CALL ME PRETTY

A man said to a woman in a bar “You’re beautiful.”

The woman smiled a kind of forced smile and said “thanks.”

The man repeated it again. “You’re beautiful. I can’t stop looking at you.”

At this point she started to feel uncomfortable, but she changed the topic of conversation and tried to engage the part of his brain that wasn’t preoccupied with his ‘uncontrollable manly urges’.

“I’m sorry, I can’t help it” he said.

At this point, another female stepped in patiently:

“You know, women don’t actually like being told they’re beautiful,” she paused as he looked confused and perplexed. “We value ourselves for other reasons like our personalities, our interests or our sense of humour.”

The man was still confused. “But I gave her a compliment. What do you mean she doesn’t like it? I’m sorry, I was just trying to be nice. I’m not a bad person.”

Now…. stop right there, man. When you tell a woman you have just met that she is beautiful, not once but thrice you are at best mansplaining. You are at worst pledging your allegiance to a dangerous patriarchal code that perpetuates physical violence towards women, enables rape and has engaged in centuries of oppression; you are minimizing her according to her looks and rating her according to this dangerous code of value.

Her forced smile and meek “thank you” is a defensive strategy woman use as they don’t want to make you angry or seem ungrateful for your compliment lest you seek revenge and call the rest of the patriarchy to gang up on her.

It’s brutal, but this is the truth. You are not giving her a fucking compliment. You are telling her she is worth less than you, and you have the power because you are a man.

I invented a new term: Manbeautifying

 

Manbeautifying occurs when a man tells a woman she’s beautiful AND any of the following are applicable:

a) she didn’t ask him how she looked

b) he assumed she will value his opinion more then her own opinion

c) she does value his opinion but there was still no signal that she wanted him to tell her how she looked

d) he tells her she’s beautiful in a way that is condescending towards her and makes her feel threatened and uncomfortable

Next time, please just shut up.

Thanks.

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Don’t call me pretty (please)

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